Why I Wrote Unforgivable

Preface

Dear Reader,

Soon after the publication of Brave Face: The Inspiring WWII Memoir of a Dutch/German Child, my mother, Meta, and I heard an outcry. “We want more!”

I wanted to provide that by writing about my father, Frits’s, life, but it seemed unlikely I could. After all, it would be virtually impossible to gather the necessary information. He passed in October 2017. But then, Meta unearthed the letters his father wrote to him, as well as the documents my parents saved from their early life. I reread the brief account of Frits’s childhood that he wrote for their 50th anniversary and what he wrote for the 60th. My cousin sent me a document her father, Frits’ brother, Jan, penned about his life. An online acquaintance provided me with research on the children’s home where Frits and Jan spent much of their childhood. I bought and translated the out-of-print book that Frits’s mother, Rita, wrote about her wartime experiences. Gradually, this book took shape.

It has been a fascinating journey. I’ve spent many hours immersed in historical research, trying to tease out what really happened in that little town of Driebergen. So many tantalizing clues, but elucidating all the facts, something I find very important, has proven impossible. Therefore, I’ve written what I’m reasonably sure happened and left the rest for you to think about.

I’ve enjoyed trying to get into the heads of the various characters in this book. Why did Rita do what seems totally repugnant? Why did Frits and Jan react to their life circumstances like they did? How must Frits’s Jewish cousin have felt, seeing all that was happening around her? What were the overly strict nurses in the children’s home even thinking? I found my research into the possible thought processes of the various characters totally engrossing.

It has been a testing journey. Much of Frits’s story is deeply disturbing and, frankly, depressing. To make a book come to life, the writer must live it. And so, I did. Conventional wisdom is that authors should write every day. I couldn’t do that simply because spiraling down into depression does not help one write! Frits had to live his story every day without a break; I did not. And I am grateful.

It has been a very worthwhile journey. You see, despite his shockingly tough childhood, Frits successfully provided for and raised five children. His and Meta’s marriage was challenging at times, but they celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary only half a year before he died. He passed on so many good things to me, not the least of which is the confident knowledge that he loved and believed in me. I was amazing in his eyes.

Frankly, Frits’s successful life made me curious. How did he do it? Why didn’t he spend his life on antidepressants and in therapy (not that those are bad things)? A conversation with Meta provided what I suspect was at least a partial answer. I believe anyone who has ever been mistreated or experienced trauma can find a vital message in Frits’s story. Yup. That’s everyone. This book is for everybody. But you’ll have to read it to find out what that message is.

I. Caroline Evenbly Crocker, PhD